...

Merry Christmas everyone.

Should most probably post about my one week blog entry before we left for SG and the whole trip to SG as well but with my schedule and all that's happening right now, I really can't. :\

So yeah~ have a very MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONEEE. :D


with love,Lileth.

Hello December.

Please be good to me. Bring me a lot of money as well. Hahahaha. 12 more flying days 'till Singapore bitches. :D

Well that sucks.

LOVE is our stupid excuse to hurt ourselves.

90210

Spent the whole day of my only break from school watching 90210. OMG, I'm just so in love with that show. I mean seriously, it's all drama and all but I also learn a lot from it. ;A; I'm currently downloading Season 2 and I can't wait to watch it next Sunday or whenever I can. Yiiieees?

I am so going to name my daughter Naomi. Not because I want her to be like Naomi, but I just like the name so much. It's so pretty and all that. :D

Also....

I've been dreaming a lot about scary things and it freaks me out all the time or at least when I remember about the dream. I hate nightmares and weird/scary dreams so much. ;A;

with love,Lileth.

Another emotional day

Today I realized how short our life can be. How we don't know when it'll all end for us. How we take everything for granted without knowing how much important and valuable it really should be.

Life is too short but we complicate it so much that we always forget about this simple fact.

Life is too short to not take a risk but we're too afraid that we just settle for whatever it gives us.

Life is too short for "what if's".

Life is too short to be thankful.

Life is just too short.

It is just too short.

with love,Lileth.

Life

It's not like it's the end of the world for me anyways. My life is just starting and I know a lot of good things will come my way -- eventually. Life is good. Though I cried so much today, I know it's just a way of showing me how beautiful and fun of a feeling being alive is. I appreciate that. I'll always be thankful for every smile and tears.. I'll always think of how life can be a pain in the ass but also be my little heaven.

Of course I'd been so curious of what heaven really is like and I almost took that one little step to cut off everything for me here on this hell of a world but I know the real heaven can wait for an angel like me... I'll be there soon... :D

Ugh

My life sucks like this because I let everything/all of it happen. I hate my life, I hate people but mostly I hate my self. :(

Pain in the ass

I have to make a decision, like, a big decision and it's making me all emotional. Hate it. :(

PASSED

Damn. I passed all of my subjects last semester. Thank you so much God. :D

Negative energy everywhere

I hate it when you suddenly act like that. I hate when you make everyone around you feel like they're all nothing but crap.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN GUYS. Have a spooky one.

with love, Lileth.

why are you still here?

I dreamed about SOMEONE again last night. The weird thing is.... It felt like we don't know each other and on the last part of the dream, well because I woke up already, it seems like he's doing things and trying to pursue me. Hahaha. What the hell, right?

I don't really remember the dream that much but it's a good one. :D

with love,Lileth.

Love

Love is something that I won't ever understand.

It was nice meeting you.

So last Saturday, I attended one of my friends debut. It was awesome. Tiring, but definitely fun. Also, I met a lot of awesomely cool people. Got drunk for the very first time and I don't regret anything. Haaaa. Totally a night to remember. :)

I was asked to do the make-up for 3 of the friends of the birthday girl. I totally panicked and got a little stressed over it because I didn't brought my make-up paraphernalia with me, I resorted to whatever I can find in their bag. It was such an experience, I like it. :)

Got to bond with my friends, again. I missed them. :)

Here are some of the people I met that night.

These girls are Ate Monick's ELF friends. They're all so pretty. :)

Chay, Angel and Me. I met Chay for the first time there. She's just as crazy as me.

These guys right here is Ate Monick's friends/classmates/barkada. I spent half of the night talking and laughing with them since everyone except them were dancing and I don't wanna humiliate myself. Haha. They're super cool. And of course, I know Kuya Paul already, so I felt comfortable with them.

The birthday girl with her escort. She's such a doll.

And finally, look how haggard I was. Haha. I don't even know.

I don't really have pictures from when I drank with Ate Monick's cousins but it was super funny and all. :)

with love,Lileth.

I have plans

I’m seriously super excited to be able to drive properly. I am persuading my father to pay and let me have my drivers license within this week. I asked my brother if I can get one without a test drive and he told me that it’s possible - so hell yeah!

I don’t know. I just really hate commuting. I grew tired of wasting too much time on commuting when I can drive home faster. Also - it’ll be more convenient for me when I want to go out with friends or go to some places with my mom or alone and since I would like to use my high heels. I mean, I just can’t wear them when I commute since it’s uncomfortable. Haha. Well, yeah.

I know my reasons are lame but whatever. :)

I’m so excited. I can actually picture myself going to places and all that. I wanna go to Batangas for the beach. I wanna go to Manila and party all night long. I wanna let people see that I bring my own car. I want to make people jealous of how awesome I can drive. Haha.

I get all excited! This is something I always feel specially when I remember that I finally have a car I can use. A huge car - that is.

My mom bought a Revo for the family last last week. I can’t be thankful enough. :3 She told me that I can use it. I think I already made a blog post about it prior to this. :3

Drive safely

My brother finally decided to teach me how to drive. I can say that I'm quite comfortable driving now more than when I tried driving last last month ago or so. It was so much fun, he actually taught my cousin and I. :)

So hopefully I can have my license next week and drive like a pro (or not) next month. :) Please do pray for me. Hahaha.

Also, my cousins parents, my mom, our other cousin, 2 of our nieces and I went to Tagaytay and Nuvali. We ate at Giligans and then proceeded to Nuvali, I told them that it's a nice place to just chill and all and so yeah~ :)

What am I even saying here? Hahaha. Don't judge me.... Forgive!

And since I'm a lazy cat... I would like to congratulate everyone I know (my friends, ex-classmates, etc) for passing the July 2011 NLE here, instead of making a different blog post for it. I'm so proud of you guys. You deserve it!!!!

Of course, since I'm bias/ed and all - I need to mention 언니 Ellen (my dorky seoul-sister)!!! I'm so proud of this girl, she actually sacrificed a lot when she reviewed for that exam. She went all the way to Baguio - away from her family, well except for her sister(yes, she's from Mindanao), stopped updating herself about KPOP (this is a huge sacrifice, really.), went away from a special someone and was actually heartbroken along the way. Congratulations Unni. I'm so proud of you that I actually teared-up when I heard you passed. You already. :) I love you and I miss you so bad.

And just like before... What I wear today~ :)

with love,Lileth.

Outtake

Outtake from the photo shoot last Sunday. It was super fun. We're so cute too, right? :A:

(L-R : Me, Kuya Paul, Kuya Jhon, Ica and Jairah)

with love, Lileth.

MUA

Got to style and be the make-up artist for a photoshoot today. It's for the debut of my friend's sister. It was indeed tiring but I enjoyed and had a lot of fun. We went to Abundant Place and Nuvali for this shoot. The rain didn't stopped us from having fun, getting hyper and actually managing to get beautiful photos, well, it's all thanks to the great and "kwela" photographer's, really.

The theme for the photoshoot was actually "ULZZANG". It wasn't that hard to think of styles since I'm a huge fan of Korean street style and I used to look at famous Ulzzangs photos. I got some help from my friend for some of it. We tried doing Sulli's style during their Chu promotion and I can say that we nailed it. :3

So yeah. It's my first time to actually style and do something like this. First MUA and Styling gig - as what I told my friends earlier and I'm quite glad and happy with the outcome. :) Thank you very much to everyone who helped and complimented me, it means a lot - really. /le cries

Here's some of the photos.... for now. Teaser pictures - if you may :3

Model : Jairah Jaranilla
MUA and styled by : Lily Jeciel
Photo by : Jay Vasquez and Jhon Isren Jaranilla of DAT Photography
Post-processed by : Monick Jaranilla

And some BTS I took while trollin' and enjoying the beautiful view of Tagaytay and Nuvali. :3

That's basically it, for now - at least....

with love,Lileth.

Butterbeer.

Tried that Caramel Frappuccino with Irish coffee(should be Toffee nut syrup - but that's not available here now.) and Hazelnut syrup, drizzled with caramel. I don't really know if I liked it. It still has strong coffee taste in it, I expected it to be sweet or something. The barista got confused and she obviously don't know what to do with my order that she actually asked the store managers for help. I just smiled and told her that it's a recipe I got from tumblr of Butterbeer. I also had Cinnamon Swirl since I haven't had any decent meal when I left home. Hahaha. Like a boss. I seriously wanna have a legit and real Butterbeer. The one you can find from The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. This is, of course, in celebration of my successful registration to Pottermore the first day of it's opening, well except I'm 2 days late for my own celebration. I so boss!

with love,Lileth.

I'm magical.

So yesterday was the first day of the early registration for Pottermore. Luckily, I got in. Haaa<3. But I still have to wait for another email from them, a beta related email, I guess - but it's all good. I felt super happy and excited when I got to answer the clue, specially when I received the confirmation letter that I shouted and my mom thought something bad happened to me. Heee<3.

So I just wanna share some screen-caps that I made of the whole process to you guys. :)

So yes, you don't really get to choose your own username, they just let you decide from some usernames that they pre-made, but I ain't complaining, at all. :) I like my username for some reason.

I do hope everyone who also wanna be one of the first batch to try this pottermore experience, be able to answer the clue and eventually be lucky like me to register and be accepted. You guys still have until August 6 to try. The clue comes out around 3-4PM and you just have to go to POTTERMORE. :) Fighting everyone and HAPPY 1st DAY OF AUGUST!!!

Also, Belated Happy Birthday to Harry Potter and Jo Rowling. You guys are the best!!! :)

with love,Lileth.

What's wrong?

It just doesn't feel like home anymore. Being with my friends, it just suddenly became so awkward and unnatural around them. Like I don't belong there anymore. Like I ain't welcome anymore. Maybe because our differences are starting to show up, or maybe because of the distance that I have with them right now. Well, it seems like I can't do anything about it anyway so I'll just sit here and wait for our friendship to end. :|


with love,Lileth

nostalgia

I saw a box full of letters from High school friends (well, mostly from May and Leny) and I suddenly miss them. I love re-reading letters because I like remembering those happy days, those carefree days.

So I'll share one or maybe two letters that May wrote for me, because I think it's special and sweet. Haha.

For U Beth,

Kamusta ka na (Ano na feelings mo ngayon)? Kaya me sumulat para na rin malaman mo kung ano ang nararamdaman ko. (Yung totoo lang) Leth - sa totoo lang talagang nitong mga nakaraang mga buwan na magkakasama tayo eh... ibang-iba ka na, ang dating Lilybeth na nakasama namin ni Daisy sa III-5 eh... ibang-iba na talaga. Noon sabi ko sa sarili ko na sige kaya kong intindihin ang ugali mo. Pero ang akala kong pagbabago mng ugali mo (pagiging suplada at kung makapagsalita eh... parang wala kang nasasaktan) ay sandali lang at babalik uli yong taong animong di makabasag pinggan sa katahimikan, di ko sinasabing wag kang magsalita pero ibang-iba na talaga ang pinapakita mo sa amin kahapon. Kahit di ko tinatanong sinabi nyang bakit daw ganyan na ang ugali mo (kaklase natin sya, oh I mean sila) pero sabi ko hindi ko alam sinabi ko rin na oo napapansin ko rin yon at sabi nila bakit daw kay Geraldyn ka na sumasama at di na sa amin, sagot ko naman hindi ko hawak ang buhay mo, di ko alam kung dapat kong sabihin to. Pero gusto ko ring malaman, ano ba talaga ang gusto mong pag-isipan? Bakit kailangang, a, basta yun na yon. Beth sana malaman ko agad kung bakit ka nagkakaganyan "ASAP" at gusto ko rin na magkaharapharap tayo mamayang uwian o pagkatapos mo na basahin 'tong sulat ko. Tsaka itong sulat eh... para lang sayo wala nang ibang dapat na makabasa dahi hindi ko binibigyan ang kahit na sinong tao na maialam at magbasa nitong sulat dahil personal na sulat ko 'to para lang talaga sayo.

'Till then.

P.S. Hihintayin ko ang oras na magu-usap tayo.

May M. (Black Dragon)

Wow. Didn't know I was a total bitch to them back then. I sure did a lot of stupid things when I was 15. Haha. I also wonder what that thing I was trying to figure out. I do remember drifting apart from our barkada back then and joining another one with one member of that barkada too and another classmate but I honestly don't remember being bitchy with them. I mean, why would I do that? I wanna know too. I have a memory of a fish, so I don't really remember everything.

I'm not sure if I should share this here but I just wanna do that right now. I hope May won't mind. I find this letter amusing, funny and entertaining. For some strange reason.

I love my high school friends. My high school years (2 years, at least) was the best because I actually had them to share my experiences with. Ahhh. Memories. :3



with love,Lileth

fucked up

my life is so fucked up right now to the point na all i can think about is ending my own life. not even joking. i just feel like continuing to live like this is like wasting a precious space for another person and i don’t like that feeling.

i wanna die. i think that’s the only solution and answer to whatever this shit is happening to me now.

with so much hate in the world, Lileth

what's my name?

alam mo yung tuwang-tuwa ka dahil may isang prof mo na tinatawag ka sa palayaw mo. sya lang yata ang prof ko na tumatawag sa akin ng "Lileth". hindi naman sa gusto kong tawagin ako ng lahat nyan pero dahil sobrang taas ng respeto ko sa taong ito at natutuwa ako talagang malaman na yan ang tawag nya sa akin, hindi ba kapag komportable ka na sa isang tao sa palayaw mo sya tinatawag? :3

ako yung tao na kapag mataas respeto ko sayo, sayo ako pinakatakot, or lahat ba ng tao ganun? hmmm? :/ at oo, medyo takot ako talaga sa kanya. palagi kong iniisip kung ano kayang iniisip nya kapag nakikita nya ako, kung nagagalit ba sya sa sinasabi ko o anu pa man. kung tumatak ba ako sa kanya bilang mabuti o masamang tao.

masasabing kong isa si Ma'am Lala sa mga taong sobrang taas ng tingin ko. napakagaling na prof at napakabuting tao. :3 naalala ko yung napag-usapan namin nung isa kong kaibigan tungkol kay Ma'am. sabi namin, si Ma'am yung klase ng prof na kahit anong ituro nya sayo matututunan mo agad, na ang ganda ni Ma'am at mas lalo syang gumaganda kasi ang bait nya. sa kanya ko napatunayan yung, kapag maganda or mabait ka, lalo kang gaganda sa panlabas na kaanyuan mo. naks. lalim. pero hindi nga, seryoso. :3

salamat Ma'am, at Happy Birthday ulit :3

with love,Lileth

my mom is perfect

Today is Mother's Day so it's just a given that I make a post about the most special woman in my life. My mom.

My mom is my hero. She's a very strong woman. I've never seen her cry,or at least I don't remember it, she got mad a lot of times and she's just like any other mom there is. She's beautiful, loving, caring, she provides for us, she think about us first before herself. Her smile is the most perfect smile I've ever seen. I can talk about her all day and not actually feel tired about it. I'm super proud and happy to have her as my mom, being her daughter is one big blessing God gave me and I will be forever thankful for that.

Nobody is perfect they say, but for me there is, of course that person is my mom. How can she not be perfect?

I love you Nanay.
Sorry for being such a huge stressor. I know I had let you down a lot of times already, I might actually give a lot of disappointments in the near future again, but I know whatever your decision will be by then, that's the right thing and I'll accept it. Thank you for loving me and for everything,seriously. I love you so much. :)

with love,Lileth

my life in a flashback

I tend to push away people from my life. Even those people that I'm really close to or those very special people to me. I don't know why but that's kind of a new realization for me too.

Is it because I don't know how to value people? Is it because of my lack of confidence or just me wanting to actually drift away from too much drama from those people?

It actually sucks. It sucks specially when I finally realized that I'm suddenly alone, that I don't have friends anymore. It sucks knowing that people actually let you drift away from them, that they actually thought that's what you want them to do. It sucks knowing that you're just not someone people would choose over the others.

I used to have a lot of friends. I used to be a part of a popular barkada in school. People know our group and of course they know me. I used to smile a lot because of them, but I wasn't the clown of the group, I just smile because of them, I talk when I need to or when I just want to, I was weird, I am weird, that's something that won't probably leave me until I die. I used to think that my friends are my life, I actually attended school so that I can be with them, I loved them more than my life, more than my family. I know that's stupid, but that's how much I treasured our friendship, I thought of them as the people I would grow old with, I even planned my life with them, but sadly, people change, everything does. One day you'll just realize that you're actually nothing to them, you don't matter at all. You'll feel pathetic because everything you've believed in would suddenly be gone. My life crushed, my life got ruined, I cried, I got mad, but that's pretty normal, right?

Maybe that is the reason why I tend to leave people,the reason why I push them away. Maybe. Maybe because I know how it feels to be left behind. I hate that feeling. I hate it so much that I don't want to feel it again. I know it's a lame excuse too, but what can I do? This is something people that I loved and treasured a lot taught me. They let me be this person that I am now. This bitch right here.

This is also the reason why I don't trust anyone. Why I'd rather be alone than feel special for a moment and then feel the exact opposite the next. This is the reason why I suddenly became so talkative and funny around people,because I thought when you're someone that is like that then people will love you, they'll treasure you, they'll love you MORE. So I ended up changing my life. From some EMO freak to a CLOWN from a weird circus, but I hate the ME right now, I hate myself.

This is the exact reason why I cried today... Because I realized this... Because I realized this and again I felt so alone...

This is the reason why I feel bad right now. I really wanna keep my friends but I know that we'll drift apart anytime soon, because I'm actually starting to push them away. But I don't wanna do that. I want them to stay. I want to be friends with them until forever. Until we finally get to actually say that we're tired of each other, but I know that won't happen, because we're awesome like that... :')

I need help. I need them to realize how much I'm suffering from this. I need them to know that no matter how much I try to push them away, I don't really mean that. That I don't really want them to leave me. :'/



with love,Lileth

not even

friends~
minsan talaga kailangan mo lang silang makita,kahit yun lang,napapasaya ka na nila. halos isang linggo din kaming hindi nagkita,ang weird nga eh. hindi ko ma-explain.

with love,Lileth